


Never Hers to Keep

by Milkyway_Bread



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Just Yue and the moon and existential crisis, Kinda, No seriously this girl deserved so much more, She deserved the moon, You could say, Yue deserved better, and Sokka being Sokka, sorta - Freeform, such a silly fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:40:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26917528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milkyway_Bread/pseuds/Milkyway_Bread
Summary: Yue knew: the moon was always there, but one day, it would not be, and Yue would not be either.And that was why Yue was okay with never being able to be. Be normal, be happy, be Yue. She was alright never knowing what those things even were.Because Yue's life had never been hers to keep.
Relationships: Mild Sokka/Yue, Yue & Sokka, Yue & the Moon
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Never Hers to Keep

Against the backdrop of a darkened sky, she stood, salty water lapping at her feet, a gentle friend coaxing her forward. The ocean moved forward and retreated back, leaving her cool touch lingering on her covered legs. The chill was a reminder that she should not be out here, this late, alone, where she could so easily succumb to the world's many dangers.

But the ocean would never drown her.

Her neck was craned, eyes upward as she searched the skies for the moon. The horizon stretched onward to a world she would never see, endless blue reaching up to graze the grey clouds that covered the sky.

Father had brought her here once, after excusing himself from the council. This small bay, flanked by cliffs and snow, a single cave allowing them passage. His eyes had been shadowed as his arms wrapped around her in a warmth that she could not feel.

"When you were born," he had explained, as though to a child, because Yue was only eight then, but she was so much more, "we were afraid you would not make it. Your mother, she prayed to the moon spirit, begged for mercy, and by the moon's grace, you lived."

A ghost of a smile had touched his face, bitter and brittle, at the thought of Mother.

"The moon," Father said that day, as Yue stared up at the beaming circle untouchable in the sky, "The moon gave you your life."

She pulled herself out of her thoughts as the clouds parted, ever so slightly, the shy moon peeking through the clouds to bless her with light before disappearing again. Yue smiled, feeling kinship once more. It was like foreshadowing, the moon was always a phase ahead of her, waxing when Yue waned, waning when she waxed, pushing when she pulled, pulling when she pushed. Tonight, the moon was hidden behind a veil, hidden away from the world, and tomorrow, Yue would be too, when she met her betrothed.

The thought of tomorrow reminded her of why she was here.

"I don't know what to do."

 _Of what to feel_ , if she were honest.

Yue knew all the things she _should_ be feeling. Upset, angry, afraid, because she had no choice in tomorrow, no choice to be with a man that did not love her, and whom she did not even like. Happy, excited, bashful, for her was getting engaged, and that was a milestone in a woman's life. This was a duty to her people, and honourable duty to her father and she should be feeling _something._

She should be feeling a lot of things.

She looked back up at the sky, the moon having hidden herself once more, and wondered: _What must the moon be feeling?_

Such a silly question. The moon was not human. It did not feel.

* * *

"The moon gave you your life," Father had said.

Yue stared up at the untouchable enigma in the sky and asked, "Will the moon take it back?"

Such a silly question.

Yue already knew the answer.

* * *

The Palace was abuzz as Yue's future husband and his family were due to arrive. Her servants surrounded her, gossiping above her head as they fussed over her face, her hands, her clothes, her waist, and -

And a lot of things. Yue should try focusing as well, but she felt a chill crawling under her skin. It was the only thing she could feel.

She _should_ be feeling a lot more.

Which was unfair, she noted with awful detachment. Something painful twisted in her at the observation, but it fled as soon as she noticed, and it slipped through her grasp like melted snow. She tried to conjure up more thoughts, but everything else numbed.

She was led to the throne room, where she sat on warmed ice, surrounded by her subject that bowed to her without even glancing up. Yue longed to be among them, such bright people with lovely smiles. She longed to know that life.

Hahn arrived.

"Hahn is a good man," Father had said, back when he said things to her, and not for her or about her.

Father was right, of course. Hahn was a good man.

Or rather, a boy, because he smirked with boyish confidence, eyes glinting with hunger as he took her in. He could not see her face, past her veil, but they were seated next to each other, knees touching no matter how many times Yue tried to jerk away. Still, Han was a good guy, arrogant and pushy, but not outright cruel, and Yue had learned to count her blessings.

"You're beautiful," Hahn said.

 _You can't see me_ , Yue wanted to say, _You're the hundredth person to have said that,_ she wanted to say. But there were a lot of things Yue wanted, but they were all things she _shouldn't_ want.

"Thank you," she murmured, "You're quite handsome."

Hahn beamed, like a child might, because he was not a man, "We'll make a great couple. You know, my father said - "

Yue watched in fascination as Hahn started talking. His lips moved, but Yue could hear no sound as her mind wondered away. She did not express disinterest outwardly, but these were things that Yue had heard a thousand times from a dozen people. Yue had learned to feign interest.

"What about you mother," Yue ended up asking, interrupting his speech.

Father glanced at her, sharply, a look that seemed to say, _silly girl_.

That was what she was. A silly girl. Like how Hahn was a good man.

* * *

Yue looked up at the moon, sitting on a throne of clouds, surrounded by the stars so far away that still bowed to it's glory.

She wondered how it must be feeling.

 _Lonely,_ Yue decided, after a moment.

* * *

After dinner, Hahn and Yue were allowed to be excused, to do what young betrothed couples might do, under the heavy supervision of guards and servants. She pulled off her veil as soon as she was outside.

"Beautiful," he reiterated, as though repeating it would gain him more favours.

Yue smiled. They walked, hand in hand across a pathway made of ice, gorgeous structures flanking the sides. The moon hung overhead, watching over them, watching over Yue like a mother might, tentatively and from afar but ready to sound alarm should the need come.

"The moon is always there," Yue murmured to herself, a reassurance.

Of course, there was no need for reassurance, because Hahn was a good man, and Yue was being a silly girl.

"When we get married, I'll make you the happiest girl alive," Han promised.

Yue couldn't help is. She stared at him, awestruck, and blurted out, "You know what happiness is?"

She hadn't meant to ask. She hadn't even meant for it to be a question. But curiosity burned in her stomach, eating away at her, and she had to know.

Hahn's eyebrows furrowed, but confusion cleared slightly as he said, "That's a silly question."

Yue felt heat climb to her face, and whispered, "Sorry."

Hahn gave a perplexed little smile, then moved quicker than she could blink. Before she knew it, his lips were on hers, and ice was crawling down her spine.

The kiss was brief. Hahn pulled away when she didn't respond, leaving her lips cold in his wake. It was not the same chill as the ocean's, welcoming and kind. Instead, it made her sick.

"Ooh, sorry," Hahn said, grinning, "Guess you weren't ready."

"It's fine," Yue said, numbly, because that's what she _should_ say.

Once more, something painful twisted inside her, unfurling venomously. Yue wants to grab hold of it, examine it, understand why it burned to hot when she felt so cold, but again, it slipped through her grasp.

Hahn was already walking away. Before he disappeared inside, he turned back, "Don't worry, Princess. When we get married, I'll _show_ you what happiness is."

Her entire body was numb. Should she be feeling something?

(The moon was not human. It did not feel.

Such a silly question.)

* * *

"The moon gave you your life," Father had said.

"Will the moon take it back?"

Father had looked horrified, and he had no answer. But Yue knew:

The moon was always there, watching over her, protecting her.

The moon was always there, but one day, it would not be, and Yue would not be either.

* * *

The people from the outside arrived on her birthday.

She hadn't known it then, but this was her best and last birthday gift.

"Hi there, Sokka, Southern Water Tribe."

Something squeezed her heart at his smile, stupidly boyish and incredibly charming. She smiled.

"Very nice to meet you."

"So ..."

He wanted to talk. The thought of it made Yue ridiculously giddy. She felt like she was six again, trying to waterbend.

"You're a princess!"

Yue nodded eagerly, as if to say, _Indeed I am!_ It was such a silly observation, but Yue almost wanted to grin.

"You know, back in my tribe, I'm kinda like a Prince myself."

Yue very much doubted it, and it was cemented when his sister scoffed, "Prince of what?"

"A lot of things! Do you mind, I'm trying to have a conversation here."

Sokka's sister did a mock bow, "My apologies, Prince Sokka."

Now, Yue was _really_ holding back a grin.

"I'm going to be in town for a while," Sokka said, awkwardness radiating off him in waves, "I'm wondering if we could do an activity together?"

"An activity?" Yue asked, halways impressed by his boldness, but also halfway not.

There was something about this boy that was incredibly endearing. Yue ... almost feels something around him.

It's a silly thing.

* * *

Yue knew: the moon was always there, but one day, it would not be, and Yue would not be either.

And that was why Yue was okay with never being able to _be_. Be normal, be happy, be Yue. She was alright never knowing what those things even were.

Because Yue's life had never been hers to keep.

* * *

They did an activity together.

It didn't go well. Because Yue _shouldn't_ be doing it in the first place.

And then came along Katara.

Katara, who challenged Master Pakku and _stands her ground_. Katara, who was unflinching and brave. Katara, who was everything Yue's tribe needed Yue to be, everything that Yue was _not_.

Yue thought that perhaps, there was something about the South, that made these children so much _more_.

She ran off again and this time, she was crying. Her insides were knotting, an awful feeling sheering through her, and she was crying.

She heard footsteps and, without meaning to, she bit out, "What do you want from me?"

Something like that _should've_ earned her a sneer, but the Southern siblings never followed the should and should nots.

"Nothing," Sokka said, honesty in his eyes, "I just think you're beautiful."

She _should_ say: thank you. She should say: we can't be together. She should say: I'm betrothed to a man, and you are just a silly boy.

Instead, she said, "You're the hundredth person to have said that."

Sokka drew back, struck. What must he think of her now? A bitter, mean little Princess. A silly little girl.

He didn't run away.

"Well, have they ever said that your laugh is beautiful as well?"

Now it was Yue's turn to start.

"That day, when I was chasing your boat," Sokka said, and he was smiling, a tint of pink on his cheeks, "You laughed. I thought it was ... beautiful."

There was sincerity in his eyes, a lopsided smile that could be nothing less than honest.

Yue should say: we can't see each other anymore. She should say: I'm not what you want. She should say: I am not who you think I am.

Instead, she said, "Do you want to do an activity together?"

So they did.

Sokka was not a man, like Hahn. He was a boy, who laughed loudly at silly things, who threw snowballs whenever he passed his sister, who grabbed Aang into sudden hugs, who smiled at Yue that made her insides flutter. He was a boy, with a lopsided, awkward smile and honest, honest eyes. He was just a silly boy.

That was okay. Yue was just a silly girl.

* * *

She took him to her special place on their third meeting.

"I shouldn't be here."

"With me?" Sokka asked, in that disappointed, understanding way of his.

"Here," Yue repeated.

Here, with Sokka. Here, in this secluded little bay. Here, alive, today.

Sokka's eyes softened, "Well, you _are_ here. What now?"

* * *

When they meet for the seventh time (Yue kept could, carefully), Yue asked, "Can you tell me about the world?"

They sat two feet apart, but everyday they moved a little closer, for closeness was forbidden but oh so tempting.

Sokka hesitated, then started speaking. He spoke of the South, and the Earth Kingdom, a boy named Zuko and his Fire Nation ships.

He stopped at Suki. Looked at her and blushed.

"I'm betrothed," Yue said bluntly, "So you can talk about the girl you like."

Sokka scoffed slightly, "You sure have a way with words."

Yue shrugged. Ate a sea prune in a most unlady-like manner.

"I don't get to use them much."

Sokka shot her an understanding look and said, "Suki is incredible. She's a warrior, and a girl, and she taught me so much."

His eyes lit up when he spoke of Suki.

Yue thought she might love to meet the girl.

"I want to see the world some day," Yue confessed.

"I'll take you, if that'd make you happy."

Yue paused. "Happy?" she echoed.

"You're not happy here, are you?" Sokka's blue eyes bore into her own, "Have you ever been?"

"What is happiness?" Yue blurted out.

She expected him to said, _silly_ _girl_ , but instead, he smiled, softly, in that way of his that made her heart speed up.

"Happiness is ..." he paused, considering, "Happiness is this warm feeling you get, right here," he tapped his chest once, "It is something fleeting, that you try hard to hold on to. It is memories from home, with your sister, in a little hut, just the two of you. It is excelling at something everyone tells you you can't do. It's being with someone you love."

He shrugged, "Happiness is what you make of it, I suppose. I'm not good at this."

"You have a way with words," Yue murmured.

She was crying. She was doing that a lot, lately.

* * *

Father used to tell her about love, back when he would talk to her, and not for her or about her.

Father loved Mother, so _so_ much, that it was painful to watch sometimes.

Yue thought that she might be in love.

* * *

Yue turned over the newest curving that Sokka gave her. It was another fish. It looked less like a bear than the last one.

The Siege was here, and she was preoccupied by a curving. Such a silly thing.

The moon was high in the sky, but Yue knew: it would not be for much longer.

She had spent her entire life preparing for this moment. She had known since she was a child that this was her destiny. This is what her life had been given to her for. This was what her life was worth. This is what everything led up to.

( _Screw destiny_ , Yue could here Sokka say, in her mind, and perhaps Katara and Aang were there too. Her heart was beating fast, and with every heartbeat came the mantra, _Screw destiny, find a way to live._

How silly, of her.)

The moon and ocean were calling to her, pulling at her, demanding her debt be repaid, because her life had never been hers to keep.

When her time came, Sokka was there. She wanted to spare him this pain, but she found herself undeniably _happy_.

* * *

Yue knew: the moon was always there, and one day it would not be, and Yue would not be as well.

 _I'm going to die_ , she almost said, but she could not crush the hope in his eyes.

"I don't want to die," she whispered instead.

Sokka gripped her hand, tight enough to bruise, as fire ignited in his eyes, "I won't let you."

It was a silly promise, from a silly boy to a silly girl.

Yue held it close to her heart and refused to let it go.

* * *

The spirits were pulling, tugging at her, telling her to return balance to the world, because that's what her life is worth -

Sokka was there, staring up at her with awe and sorrow. She needed to tell him now, she needed to tell him that she _loved_ him, and maybe it wasn't forever-love, like Mum and Dad, but it _was_ love. She needed to tell him that he brought out a part of her she never knew about, contentment and happiness, butterflies in her stomach and sweat palms, smiles that came easy and giggles that came unbidden.

There wasn't any _time -_

She brought her lips to his, and she tried to tell him anyway.

* * *

_I love you_.

_Please remember me._

_(I don't want to die.)_

_You made me happy_.

* * *

It was okay. Her life had never been hers to keep.

Before she left, she pressed Sokka's curving back into his palm.

Her life was not hers to keep, but it was his.

* * *

The moon was always there.

Yue was not.

**Author's Note:**

> Yue is such a cool character you guys. I wish I saw more of her. (And another side character who I'll write about. Starts with a J and ends with being crushed by rock.)
> 
> I'll come back to this and edit it cause I'm not entirely happy with it. Hope you guys enjoyed!


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